The Grieving Process: What Can Happen After a Loss?

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The grieving process is the natural response that appears when we lose someone we love or something we value. It unfolds differently for everyone; there is no right or wrong way to grieve. In this post we offer a general outline of what can happen along the way.

Grief is not only sadness

After a loss, people can feel not only sorrow but also shock, anger, guilt, relief or numbness. Sometimes feeling nothing at all is normal too. Disturbed sleep, a change in appetite or trouble concentrating are also common at this time.

Stages and order

One of the best-known ideas about grief is the set of stages Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described from her work with dying patients, often applied to grief as well (Kübler-Ross, 1969). These stages offer a useful vocabulary for the feelings that may come up. But not everyone goes through all of them, and they do not follow a fixed order. A feeling can return, and another may never arrive.

A process like the tide

Stroebe and Schut (1999) describe grief as a process that moves back and forth between two states: facing the pain of the loss on one side, and adjusting to daily life and a new routine on the other. This swinging back and forth is not an inconsistency; it can be seen as a natural part of grief. One day the pain is strong, and the next day life feels lighter.

What may help you in this period

The following are general suggestions and may not suit everyone.

• Make room for your feelings. Crying, and not being able to cry, can both be part of grief.
• Do not neglect the basics. Food, water and rest give you something to lean on even on hard days.
• Share with someone you can talk to. Speaking about memories with a person you trust can help.
• Give yourself time. Grief has no calendar; try to ease the pressure of “I should be over this by now.”
• Find ways to remember. Writing a letter, visiting a place or creating a ritual can carry meaning.

For the people around you

With someone who is grieving, being present, listening and helping with practical matters is often worth more than saying “be strong.” Not finding the right words is fine; a short “I am here” is enough.

When is it a good idea to seek support?

If the pain keeps making daily life clearly harder for a long time, or if you have thoughts of harming yourself, talking to a mental health professional is a good step. If you do not feel safe, contact the 112 emergency line without waiting.

This post is for general information and does not replace a personal assessment or a diagnosis.